


A Fool's Game

by Kokoai



Category: IDOLiSH7 (Video Game)
Genre: Anal Sex, Angst with a Happy Ending, Drunk Sex, M/M, Rape Recovery, Rape/Non-con Elements, Referenced Takamasa/Tenn
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-02-09
Updated: 2020-02-09
Packaged: 2021-02-27 19:53:44
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 1
Words: 9,123
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22621330
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Kokoai/pseuds/Kokoai
Summary: It had seemed like such an innocent game, even if Re:Vale had upped the anti by taking advantage of Gaku's obvious crush. Gaku couldn't deny he wanted that prizea lotbut he couldn't have ever anticipated where that first drink would lead, nor how much one little drinking game could very nearly ruin his entire life.
Relationships: Kujou Ten/Yaotome Gaku
Comments: 6
Kudos: 63





	A Fool's Game

**Author's Note:**

> In case you skipped the tags this fic includes:  
>  **Rape/Non-con and other potentially triggering themes**
> 
> I can say I'm actually rather proud of this fic but the last thing I want is someone not knowing what they're walking into.

The thud against the door had Tenn concerned the hinges may have broken then and there. To survive the dead weight of Ryuu would be impressive to say the least. Without a doubt, although he was never one to say it aloud, Tenn loved his group mates. That didn’t mean he wasn’t utterly annoyed when he had to get both drunken giants back home safely. Gaku could at least stay on his feet better than Ryuu, for whatever that was worth. Tenn wasn’t sure.

Awkwardly reaching around Ryuu who had decided the door was a bed, Tenn managed to unlock the door to their shared place. Almost instantly Ryuu started to fall. Why Tenn had even attempted to catch him was beyond him, but it ended with them both on the floor and Gaku to howl in laughter. 

Tenn let out a large sigh as he stood. Ryuu still sprawled across the floor. Gaku stumbled and seemed ready to fall himself, but somehow he managed to pick Ryuu up and at least get him to the couch. It was better than the floor at least. Then came the matter of Gaku, who had pressed himself to a wall, but would eventually come to lay on the floor if left to his own.

The last time Gaku had passed out on the floor he had spent the entire next day complaining about back pains. Tenn wasn’t sure if he could even drag Gaku, but he had a tight grip on his wrist and would at least tug him along until they got to Gaku’s bedroom eventually. That process had taken far longer than Tenn had liked, but at least with him in bed Tenn could get some rest finally. Or so he thought before he was yanked down on top of Gaku. 

Gaku did sometimes get clingy when drunk and more often than not Tenn would indulge a little. Although tonight, exhaustion wore on him and truthfully he wanted to sleep. His attempt to lift himself off was met with arms that encircled his waist and pulled him back. 

Without warning, and swifter than Tenn would have thought possible of Gaku in this state, their positions flipped. Now he was beneath Gaku, who had buried his face in the crook of Tenn’s neck. Tenn jumped at the sensation of lips against his skin. 

“Gaku, let me up.” Gaku would huff, maybe try to convince Tenn to stay, but would let go. At least, that’s what he normally did. Now, his lips continued to kiss a path towards his jaw.

“You’re really drunk...” Tenn sighed as he indulged in the sensation for a few more moments. Not that he actually _enjoyed_ it. As an idol he absolutely couldn’t let himself get tangled up in affairs like that. Especially not with his group mates. Even more so with _Gaku_ of all people. No matter how often the thoughts may have crossed his mind.

He knew he shouldn't have enjoyed Gaku’s warmth against him, much less gotten hot at how Gaku’s body moved against his. All the little brushes and pressure could have kept him here, he could have given himself a night of letting Gaku kiss him. If Gaku were sober and they’d talked about this beforehand. 

“Alright, stop stop, get off me.” Tenn squirmed when the kissing had turned into sucking. He had to draw lines somewhere since Gaku clearly couldn’t. 

Tenn pushed against his chest. Gaku had always swayed and backed off. Not this time. He hadn't budged. Another push had again been in vain, but this time earned an expression Tenn wasn’t prepared for. Gaku licked his lips as he shifted to better straddle Tenn before grabbing both his wrists and pinning them against the mattress above his head. 

Even drunk, Gaku only needed one hand to sufficiently pin Tenn’s hands, which left him a free hand that could skim down Tenn’s chest. Those fingers left a tingling sensation everywhere they went, and made Tenn gasp when they pinched a nipple. 

“Gaku, seriously. Stop.” Those words dropped like boulders, should have made Gaku stop dead in his tracks. Instead, Gaku continued to push up the fabric of Tenn’s shirt and caress the exposed skin. 

There was no grace, no care to the movements, yet they left Tenn feeling powerless. 

Gaku wasn’t saying anything, probably couldn’t get a coherent word out if he tried. Although the more Tenn fought, the tighter Gaku pinned him. Surely that sting in Tenn’s wrists was a bad sign, but he hardly noticed that. How could he when fear clawed at his lungs?

His head jerked to the side as fingers coiled in his hair and pulled so hard his scalp burned. There was no reserve in how Gaku bit at his neck. Tenn tried to hold his breath, but he kept hiccuping as gasps clamored past his lips. Every chance he saw he squirmed, tried to break free, tried to knock Gaku off balance. Anything to stop things from progressing.

Tenn’s heart raced. He could continue to struggle, to push, but maybe he would be better off simply hoping and waiting for Gaku to pass out. He was just drunk, surely he’d lose consciousness soon. At least that’s what Tenn wanted to believe, but the way teeth grazed over him, how that hand kept traversing every inch of him… 

“Ah— mpfh” Tenn let out a moan. He couldn’t believe he could make such a sound in this situation. Gaku had taken to biting along his chest now. Not gently either, there would absolutely be marks. How could his body betray him by leaning into this? It was so instinctual that it scared Tenn. Had he always been like this? Or was it simply because it was Gaku? 

This wasn’t the Gaku he knew though. Even drunk, Gaku had always stopped, had enough coherency to know when Tenn was resisting. But now, Gaku ignored all of it. Every sign that Tenn wanted out meant nothing, did nothing to hinder Gaku marking him, or his hand from traveling down lower and lower. 

Tenn could have hollered for Ryuu. But what good would that do when Ryuu was already passed out. He’d already given up the fight as it was. Gaku had let go of his hands, yet Tenn hadn’t moved them. A new wave of tears streaked down his cheeks as Gaku started to undo his pants. His hope that Gaku would simply pass out had burned itself out. 

Hands traveled up Tenn’s legs, gripped his hips, toyed with the edge of his pants before pulling them down along with his underwear. Everything in Tenn screamed for this to stop, for him to run now that he had a viable chance. But he didn’t move. He became pliable as a hand gripped his thigh _hard_ and shoved his legs apart. Tenn had no fight left in him, yet he was being handled so roughly. As if he were just a toy. 

Tenn's hands twisted in the sheets as his back arched. Every touch sent shivers through him. He didn't want this, yet his body acted like he did. Gasps rolled past Tenn’s lips as Gaku pressed a palm against his groin. Hiccups followed the gasps. He hated feeling himself grow harder under Gaku’s hand. Not that it’d make a difference if he didn’t.

Nothing would make a difference. The best, the only real option in Tenn’s mind was to shut himself down mentally. Wait for Gaku to be done with him. Just wait this all out. He knew that to work. Gaku would pass out eventually. How far this would go before he did was the only real concern. 

That concern boiled under Tenn’s skin as Gaku moved a hand under him, to the small of his back, while the other gripped his hip and together lifted his lower half with ease.

Silent sobs choked Tenn as his chest heaved. He knew what was about to happen. How far Gaku would actually take this. 

Gaku kept repeatedly rolling his hips while Tenn kept biting back sob after sob. He almost considered letting one or two out. Maybe that would get through to Gaku’s sensible side. If there was any sense in him that is. 

Somehow Tenn had numbed himself. Sensations stopped registering, he stopped feeling much of anything. There had been a single moment for his heart to drop into his stomach, his hand to move to cover his mouth before he screamed. Gaku had slid inside, by no means slowly. One moment Tenn had felt him push at his entrance, and the next his entire body burned as he was stretched. Screams and cries mixed in his chest, he bit back what he could and smothered the rest into his hand. The sounds were still so loud in his ears. Somehow he even started to fear that if Ryuu happened to get up for any reason he’d hear. 

Although at this stage, he prayed Ryuu would stay asleep. That he wouldn’t barge in and see them like this. For as helpless and weak as Tenn felt, to be seen like it would hurt him even worse. Ryuu might even pummel Gaku...unless he was just as polar opposite as Gaku was.

As endless waves of pain rushed Tenn, he kept his gaze permanently fixed to the ceiling. He didn't want to be aware of anything. He'd rather block it out. But he couldn't. With each thrust, the entire bed shook and with it Tenn’s voice grew hoarse. 

Gaku leaned down, his face so close Tenn could feel the breath against his skin. Whimpers that were barely below yelps kept slipping out. With them came a fear that the sound would somehow bring Gaku to his senses. Anything to disrupt the flow and cause his mind to shift perception. 

He added bite marks to what would certainly be bruises on his wrist. He couldn’t keep the sounds back but did everything he could to muffle them. Beneath the screams of every part of his body, the weight that kept building in his chest suffocated him. 

He wanted the Gaku that had slowly, and gradually wormed his way into his heart. The one that said he’d always protect his group. This Gaku, this wasn’t the man he’d fallen in love with. That Gaku would never let him cry like this; would never be the one to make him cry like this. This wasn’t his Gaku, and yet Tenn felt his feelings withering away. How much of his tears were from the physical pain versus knowing he wouldn’t be able to trust Gaku after this he didn’t know. 

Tenn’s head rolled back as his body trembled from his own release. At the same moment, Gaku kissed him sloppily, pushing his tongue against Tenn’s with no reserve. 

Tenn had gone so numb, whether that was from his attempts or the sheer level of pain he couldn’t tell, but he never felt Gaku pull out. Hadn’t even realized everything had stopped until he heard a sound.

“Te..nn…” Gaku had passed out. He had collapsed onto the other side of the bed. 

Tenn bolted. 

Grabbed his clothes and ran. 

Not even a glance was spared to check on Ryuu. Tenn was careful to not let the door make too loud of a sound as he raced to shut and lock it. His legs burned. Every part of him burned. The distance from the door to the bed was too great so he let himself collapse there against the door. 

He refused to let out anymore than an occasional strangled sob, but the tears were endless. Any little movement made him wince. Past those tears that clouded his vision, he could see the marks against his skin. Small red spots dotted from his chest down to his navel, and even a couple scattered over his thighs. He couldn’t remember being bitten there at all. More concerning were bruises on his wrists, ones that could look faintly like hand prints if seen at the right angle. He prayed they wouldn’t turn into full bruises, but even he knew that was a vain hope. 

How long Tenn sat unmoving there he hadn’t a clue. He’d started to fall asleep there though, and while the thought of moving made his muscles scream, he knew that sleeping on the floor would affect his health more than this night already would. He managed to move to the bed and wrap himself tightly in his blankets. 

Tomorrow was an off day. He could rest and get himself to a performing state before their next rehearsal. He had to. Not even something like this could not be allowed to affect the idol Kujou Tenn.   
  
  


Gaku and Ryuu had been in the midst of cleaning up around the apartment when Tenn first dared to leave his room. If not for Ryuu being there Tenn would have retreated, but forced on a mask for the sake of normalcy. 

“Ahh sorry about last night Tenn, we drank a bit more than we meant to.” Ryuu stuttered. 

“I figured that when you tried to sleep on the front door.” Tenn managed to keep his voice even despite how scratchy it was. He disguised a few coughs as simply clearing his throat. His voice sounded strained to him. How he hoped that was only to his ears. 

Last night replayed in Tenn’s head, it had done so all night. Nightmare after nightmare had kept him from solid sleep. 

Gaku had said something. Tenn had completely missed the words as the sheer _sound_ of Gaku’s voice jolted him. He prayed it hadn’t shown. He glanced towards Gaku. He...

Looked tired. Clearly hungover, but otherwise normal.

“Oi, Tenn were you even listening?”

“You look pale Tenn. Are you okay?” 

Only then did Tenn realize he’d been staring at the floor. 

“Babysitting you two was exhausting.” Tenn snipped. Showing weakness here would only lead to it bleeding into other areas. The more he was around Gaku, the longer Gaku acted like nothing had happened slowly boiled under Tenn’s skin.

“We apologized already didn’t we?” Gaku retorted. It burned Tenn though.

Tenn turned away. He didn’t want to continue talking, let alone be in the same room, with Gaku. 

“What? Did I say something dumb last night?” Gaku huffed. 

Those words shook Tenn down to his core. What they implied…

“Oh, so drunk you can’t remember anything?” Tenn wanted to be wrong, oh how much he hoped Gaku’s words— 

“I...yeah I can’t remember last night.” 

— wouldn’t be that.

“Haha yeah I don’t remember making it home either.” Ryuu laughed. 

In a matter of seconds the situation had spun into what Tenn considered the worst scenario. He spared not a single word as he went back to his room, this time slamming the door with no shame. 

Gaku stared blankly for a moment. The swiftness of everything was still processing in his groggy mind. 

“You must have really said something bad…” Ryuu said.

“Well if he wants to be mad about it when I don’t even know what it was, he can stay mad.” A small part of Gaku was worried. Sure Tenn could change moods seemingly at the drop of a hat, but this felt different. 

He had a shift at Yamamura tonight though so he refused to let this bog him down. Surely Tenn would be mad for a day or two and then settle down as usual. 

That’s what Gaku had expected. That’s how their scuffles always went. Except almost a week later, and Tenn wouldn’t so much as give Gaku the time of day. They’d been rehearsing for their next live, they’d discuss the routine and everything without a problem. However, the moment conversation tilted to no longer be work related, Tenn only had attention for Ryuu. If he remained in the room at all. 

It wasn’t until they were dressing for a costumed runthrough that Gaku truly grew worried. 

Tenn had kept his back to them, not unusual particularly, although it seemed he was doing that a lot more lately. Gaku figured it was just him still being mad. Then Tenn pulled his arm through a sleeve and Gaku happened to be looking in the right place at the right time to see a dark blue bruise around his wrist. 

That explained why Tenn had suddenly stopped wearing anything other than long sleeves, or refusing to go anywhere without a jacket, even around home. Now wasn’t the time to confront him about it, Gaku knew that, but he couldn’t swallow his worries anymore.

He considered saying something after rehearsal, except Tenn didn’t give him a moment. Where he went after every work appointment, neither of them knew. Not even Anesagi knew. She and Ryuu would at least get rabbit chats assuring them he was okay. Gaku had nothing. 

“Tenn really won’t say a word to you?” Anesagi questioned once they were in the car. 

“Only if it’s work related.” 

“Well whatever it is, you need to fix it.”  
  
“I’d love to if that brat would just tell me what the problem was.” Gaku said that, but then remembered seeing that bruise. 

“He hasn’t been meeting with my dad has he?” This was more than likely just a paranoid thought, but easing the worry would at least get one thought out of Gaku’s head. 

“Not that I’m aware of.” 

Gaku had thought Tenn’s odd behavior was still just him being mad about whatever had been said during that drunken night. Knowing Tenn was actually hiding something made him worry more. Not to mention the determined avoidance of Gaku. That bruise without a doubt wasn’t an accident, but no matter how much Gaku wracked his brain he couldn’t come up with any suspect. It had to be someone Gaku knew, or had connections with. 

Why else would Tenn avoid him specifically. 

If Gaku had to go on a manhunt throughout every person he’d ever so much as glanced at, if it would lead him to someone who could be hurting Tenn, he wouldn’t hesitate. 

Two weeks of doing just that had turned up nothing. He'd kept a close eye on Tenn. Even the slightest mark he'd question. Aside from the typical bumps and scrapes that came with learning routines, nothing had appeared. 

Tenn had also mellowed out. Things weren’t quite back to normal but he was less dodgy, more willing to talk about things unrelated to work. 

Something still twisted in Gaku's gut. There was still something off about Tenn. He simply lacked the pieces needed to figure out what. 

If Tenn didn't show any other worrisome signs, Gaku supposed he could let it go. He didn't need to know every little thing in Tenn's life. 

Thus he did his best to shake it off. Attempted to go back to their normal antics and focus on Trigger. Afterall, in the end that would bind them together and keep them moving forward together through any hardships. They had already walked through so much together. Gaku could doubt himself, but he'd never doubt them. 

Everything seemed to resolve itself. Whatever had been bothering Tenn seemed to lift from his shoulders, he smiled more and teased Gaku again. 

Gaku wanted to be happy. Except anytime he and Ryuu drank Tenn vanished. He'd even go home early from the IDOLiSH7 dorms when everyone had drank a fair amount. The worst came at night, when they'd all be asleep, Gaku would stir at odd sounds. It took him a few nights to realize he'd been hearing Tenn cry. 

He'd once asked if Tenn had been having awful nightmares but Tenn just flatly as always said it was nothing. 

Gaku had given up the fight. Whatever it was, Tenn clearly wanted to keep it to himself. Gaku couldn't fault him for it. Everyone had things they wouldn't tell even their most trusted. 

What bothered Gaku was the times Tenn jumped around him. It would be subtle, less a jump and more a shiver almost. A motion so small that if you weren't around Tenn nearly daily you'd miss. But Gaku noticed every single one. And noticed how it never happened with anyone but him. 

There came a day that had tested Gaku's patience. It had been a work appointment, a photoshoot among the newly bloomed sakura trees. A petal had stuck in Tenn's hair and Gaku unthinkingly brushed it out, although his fingers tangled in his hair.

It had only been there for a second, maybe two, but Tenn had gone wide eyed and pale, and his entire body had gone stiff. Then he darted away from Gaku. 

As much as Gaku had tried to convince himself he was overthinking, being paranoid, that felt like confirmation that Tenn had an issue with him. If Tenn still wouldn’t talk about it, then Gaku went with the next best thought. After they'd returned home that day, he started to pack his things. He could stay in a hotel or somewhere for a while. He'd only begun shoving cloths carelessly into a bag when Tenn confronted him. 

"You won't tell me what's wrong, but I know it's something I did. So I'm going to leave, give you space from whatever I did." 

Tenn lingered outside the doorway. 

"Gaku…" 

"Or are you actually going to tell me?" 

At the silence that dragged, Gaku sighed. Why was he even trying anymore he wondered. He finished gathering the essential supplies, gave Tenn some more moments to speak up. And then headed for the door.

"I'm wasting my time it seems." Gaku stepped outside in perfect time with the end of his last word.

That door click was the loudest either of them had heard in all their lives. How such a small sound could reverberate throughout their chest they had no idea. For a moment, both stood. Both knowing any sound they made would be heard. 

Gaku grit his teeth and walked with intentionally loud footsteps. 

He would have to accept that this distance between him and Tenn would never lessen. That whatever had been eating at Tenn had torn them apart. The hardest pill to swallow was accepting that Gaku would never know what had broken them. 

Meanwhile, Tenn had crumbled, fallen to his knees lurched over. Finding a moment to tell Gaku was as hard as finding the words to explain it. Now he feared his last chance for things to ever get better between them had slipped through his fingers. So much time spent denying his feelings, dancing around them, convincing himself they couldn’t go there as idols. Nothing had dampened those feelings. 

The morning after that awful night he’d imagined they’d vanish. They almost seemed to, until they came rushing back when Gaku was hellbent on figuring out who had left bruises on him. 

Gaku had truly cared for him in ways Tenn didn’t think anyone else in his life had. Even compared to Riku, Gaku’s feelings shined brighter. Riku hadn’t seen all Tenn’s ugly sides that existed now. Gaku had, and he’d still exhausted himself for Tenn’s sake, never asking for anything in return. 

Tenn hated himself for not forcing the words out. What good had practicing lines done him when he croaked in the moment? Already with his previous attempts Gaku had been so patient with him, Tenn had had plenty of time in hindsight. Now it was too late. 

Gaku had left. 

Tenn had failed. 

Neither could let Trigger fall apart over this, but Trigger would never be the same. Every performance, every appearance would be completely staged. 

Their next live hurt like no other. They hadn’t had any new songs to debut here, but new dance routines and preview a couple costumes for future songs. 

Each member had a segment where they were to distract the crowd while someone else changed into the new outfits. 

Tenn had been the first to change, and then waited for his cue to return back on stage. 

“ _Alright, you guys ready for this?”_

Tenn clutched the sheer fabric of his skirt. Suddenly the entire costume felt tight. Not only would this be the first of the fans seeing these, but the first time they’d see each other in them.

That was a first for Trigger. 

They had always done a dress rehearsal together. Aside from the routines...they practiced nothing together. All these talk segments were scripted like a reality tv show. 

Tenn swallowed, bit back everything as usual as he counted down to his cue. 

The roars of the crowd gave him something else to focus on. 

“Isn’t our center just the cutest?” Gaku got the fans cheering even louder.

Tenn could have broken on stage. That wasn’t in the script. 

“Well you can’t be the cute one so I guess it has to be me.” Tenn had to thank all his years of practice that had culminated into him being able to pass that line off so nonchalantly. 

The rest of the live had gone as planned. All according to the script. No more deviations from any of them. That left a bad taste in all their mouths. This wasn’t the Trigger they had worked so hard for. This wasn’t the Trigger their fans had taken time to come see.

This wasn’t them.

Yet it _was_ them. 

Their fans knew nothing, not a word had leaked out, it couldn’t when Tenn existed as the only soul that knew what had happened. Eventually that weight would crush him. No matter how much he bottled his feelings, boxed up the memories, and tried to act like that night never happened, it had happened. 

Beneath his continued professional demeanor, Tenn cracked slowly. Slower than most people would, but cracked nonetheless. Then he finally shattered. He had raced home after a photoshoot, afraid he couldn't even hold himself together that long. Ryuu tried to ask what was wrong, but Tenn had instantly collapsed against his chest. Ryuu held him close but loosely. Tenn had buried himself against Ryuu's chest. 

A full ten minutes had passed before Tenn's sobs calmed. 

Ryuu had never seen cry this much so frequently. Maybe he never had. 

Tenn leaned back, rubbed at his eyes, and started to stumble through words. The entire process was awkwardly paced and full of Tenn stopping and starting and rewording. 

When he had finally gotten to what Gaku had done, he muttered it so low Ryuu only caught bits and pieces. 

Tenn took a shaky breath and pushed the words out louder. 

Shock was the only way Tenn could describe Ryuu's face. 

Ryuu had no words. He resisted the urge to pull him close, but assured him this would somehow be okay. Tenn wanted to believe that, he really did. But the entire situation had already stretched out so long. 

“Tenn...you have to tell him. I know you’ve been trying and that it’s hard. But you know that Gaku wouldn’t be so cold if he knew.” 

“If he hates me for hiding it so long…”

“Has Gaku ever hated you for anything, truly hated you?” 

Tenn’s felt like there had to have been something...but every incident had always resolved and made them a stronger group. The weight of this situation though, felt heavier than every other struggle they’d gone through combined. 

“We’re already breaking apart though. If my speaking up ruined Trigger—”

“Gaku would find out eventually. Or,” Ryuu paused “it could happen again.” 

Tenn choked on a gasp. Simply the mention of a repeat incident made his heart race. 

“Sorry, sorry. I shouldn’t have said that.” Ryuu started to reach a hand out, but paused midair until Tenn gave a small nod. 

“I can be there with you. You don’t have to tell him alone.” 

“To put you in that position though…”

“You really do care about others a lot.” Ryuu’s laugh eased Tenn a little.

There was a long silence. The longer it stretched, the more Tenn shifted, his face while mostly unchanging, read to Ryuu as contemplative. There must have been nine thousand thoughts racing through Tenn’s head, there had to have been the whole time he’d bottled this up.

"Ryuu...I think I'm going to move out." It had been such a sudden flip Ryuu had taken some seconds to register the words. 

"Huh??" 

"This place doesn't feel like home anymore."

"Would you get a hotel?" 

"I think I should go back to Kujou's." 

That had shocked Ryuu beyond words. 

No matter the arguments Ryuu used, or even his own pleas, nothing swayed Tenn from packing his things. 

"I'm sorry I got you involved in this." Tenn stood at the door, only a couple bags at his feet. 

"You really don't have to leave." Ryuu pleaded. 

"I know. I may come back. I just...need space." Tenn muttered. 

So long as he was here he couldn't shake the memories. The nightmares hadn't left him alone for a single week. 

Kujou's would mean Gaku couldn't spontaneously confront him. Not without Tenn knowing it was coming. 

Tenn gulped as he stood at that front door. Kujou had come by that time trying to bring Tenn back here. Gaku had been determined to keep Tenn away from here. Tenn had told himself and Kujou that he was happy away from here.

Here he was. 

Groveling, asking to be taken back after he'd acted so childish. None of that mattered to Kujou though who had let him back inside as if he never left. 

He even walked into the smell of home cooking. Aya's food was something he still thought about. 

Everything fell back into place. Tenn felt comfortable. Nothing could blindside him here. 

He was home. 

* * *

Gaku had spent weeks living in various hotels. Outside work he hardly saw anyone. He and Ryuu kept in touch at least. He and Tenn… spoke when they had to and never anymore. 

Anyone who asked about it were met with Gaku's facade that Tenn was just being a brat and that it would all blow over soon enough. Even the nights he’d met up with IDOLiSH7 for drinks, Riku would always ask about Tenn-nii, and every time Gaku would insist it would all be fine and that Tenn was okay.

Gaku wanted to believe it. What could be done when one party refused to talk about the problem? 

These nights alone in a room left him with plenty of chances to rethink the situation. 

He wanted things to go back to normal. If this were as easy as apologizing and crossing a bridge he'd have done it already. 

As it were, he felt like he was watching Tenn stand on the edge of a broken bridge and tell him to turn around. 

If Tenn didn't want to resolve this, Trigger very well may end. Gaku wanted to fight naturally, but he felt powerless. He was their leader, but without their center their very heart was gone. Leadership couldn't fix that. 

Although he'd been the one to cut their talks short every time, Gaku wanted to talk this out with Tenn, find some resolve. He just couldn't keep patient with Tenn beating around the bush. 

After everything they'd been through, to let something so unknown tear them apart...Gaku couldn't stand it. He would get Tenn to talk somehow so they could work through this. 

Once work commitments were done, he went to Ryuu's. 

He figured Tenn wouldn't want to talk, he’d been prepared for that. Prepared to have another argument with Tenn. He hadn't been prepared for those words,

"He went back to Kujou's" 

Gaku had failed as leader and… could he even call himself Tenn's friend? 

Regardless, to know Tenn had come back _here_ , despite all Gaku's effort to break him away...hurt more than anything. How could any tension between them be so bad that it would drive Tenn back to this horrible place. 

He rang the bell fully expecting to be faced with Kujou himself. 

"What do you want?" Tenn asked with venom in his voice. 

"T-tenn…Can we just talk?" Gaku's anger ebbed away. 

"Even though I ignored your messages you think you can just show up here?" 

"I know you see it too, how this is starting to show, that our fans are getting worried." It was a move of desperation yes, but if there was one sure fire way to get Tenn to cave it would always be the thought of their fans.

"Fine, at least come in so we're not announcing this to the world."

Once they were in Tenn's room, the tension became palpable. Neither could look at the other. Both parties held completely polar opposite expectations for what was about to occur.

Gaku continued thinking this had all been over something he’d said while drunk that night.

Tenn couldn’t shake the fear that Gaku would hate him for hiding this.

The silence felt like it dragged for longer than eternity. Tenn had grown annoyed. Irritated even. Gaku had been the one to show up unannounced, insistent on talking, and then he was being silent. 

"Will you just tell me? How do you expect me to fix something when I don't know what's broken."

“Gaku please—” Tenn’s voice almost cracked. 

“Did I really say something so awful that you can’t just tell me?” Gaku let his shoulders fall. He didn’t want to be this tense anymore. He’d been trying so hard to do whatever he could to make Tenn feel better, to get him to a point where he would talk. So many times where he’d thought Tenn finally would but he’d just find an excuse. This felt like another lost battle. 

“Tenn, whatever it is, you can trust me.” That had riled up something. The modern day angel burned with hellfire; fists balled up, standing as straight and tall as possible until he rose on the balls of his feet to be that much closer to Gaku, to drive that dagger of a glare deeper into his soul. 

“Trust you? No that’s exactly what you broke that night.” Tenn had truly cracked now. Four months of bottled up misery, boxed up frustration had all broken loose. Tenn was beyond exhausted and if he failed this time it really would be the end of them; of Trigger.

“Wha—” Gaku realized nothing was behind him, yet he felt cornered.

“You took my trust and shattered it when you violated me.” So much venom had been packed into those last words that Gaku felt it to the bone. 

Confusion clouded Gaku’s mind. He started to say something, ask for clarification. Then Tenn lowered back to flat footing and crossed his arms, his sleeve catching enough that it exposed a wrist, and Gaku remembered the bruise that had been there. Gaku remembered how he had woken up after that drunken night.

Oh how he hoped to grossly be misunderstanding. 

“You….” Tenn started, except now his demeanor had shifted, his arms encircled himself, his eyes were glossy, and his chest heaved “were just like Kujou-san.” 

“Tenn, I...” What would he say? What could he say? 

"I even had feelings for you…" Tenn muttered. It was doubtful he realized he'd said it aloud.

An apology would ask for forgiveness, would undermine the severity of what had happened, Gaku thought. He was caught between the absolute horror to know that Kujou had done such an awful thing, and worst of all, that _he_ had hurt Tenn the same way. 

Tenn wouldn’t look up from the floor. Gaku didn’t want him too, he was disgusted with himself just looking at Tenn. To know that he had been the reason Tenn was hurting so much these last four months. Not to mention the fact that Gaku couldn’t even remember what he’d done. 

Perhaps what made him feel the worst was that lingering thought that hadn't quite hit his conscious mind, that he had been comparable to Kujou…

Yet here they stood in that man's house.

Tenn had placed Kujou above Gaku.

"Kujou…" Gaku muttered. He couldn't string anything remotely coherent together.

"It's predictable. Routine even. And I can _trust_ that he won't leave me bruised." 

"But I'd never—"

"Do it intentionally, I know. Nonetheless it happened. It was worse _because_ I trusted you. I believed you would never hurt me." Tenn’s words were packed with such fire that Gaku felt each syllable like a stone to his chest. 

Tenn stopped to look somewhere else in the room. 

Tears fell against the floor like rain. Gaku couldn’t see Tenn’s face now, he’d probably have dissolved into a pool of his own tears if he had. Tenn’s sniffles rang like gongs in his ears.

“I wonder...if you still think I’m cute when I cry like this.” Tenn had said it mostly to himself, but at a volume that said he wanted Gaku to hear. 

Gaku wanted to run, wanted to catch a flight to the farthest place he could go. He would go to one place though. He wouldn’t run from this, but he would do what he could to make amends. 

Gaku failed to say anything though before he’d headed for the door. Too engrossed in his thoughts to grasp reality.

“You’re just going to walk out?” Tenn grit his teeth. 

“I’m going to quit Trigger.” 

“That’s not—”

“I’m not going to force you to continue working with someone who hurt you.” Although Gaku tore himself up internally, his voice was calm, nothing unlike his previous claims that he’d quit the group. Steeling himself was a trained skill for Gaku after years of dealing with his dad. But this was only a little of that, the fragment that came like second nature, the rest was Gaku being too shocked to even know how to respond.

As the door shut behind him, Gaku heard a strangled yell. He wished Tenn had done that to him. Had unloaded every ounce of anger on him. A slap to the face would have been well deserved. But Tenn was kinder than that, and to Gaku that was even more reason for him to remove himself from Tenn’s life. 

There hadn’t been any consideration to anyone else being in the house. The thought hadn’t crossed Gaku’s mind until he found Kujou waiting in the entranceway

“My, my you really set him off.” Kujou’s voice was thick with twisted pride. 

Gaku scoffed. He knew anything he said would be used against him.

“Well I must thank you for what you’ve done. I always thought you were a bad influence on him. Now though it’s clear that I’ll always be his most important person.” To meet that man’s eyes was the same as staring a devil in the face. 

“You…” Gaku balled his fists. He’d never wanted to punch anyone more.

“He can hate me for eternity, but I will still protect him as much as I can.”

“As Trigger’s leader, or as a broken man groveling for forgiveness?” That look, that triumphant expression made Gaku’s stomach twist.

“As someone who actually cares about him.” Gaku bit back. No matter how horrible his actions had been, no matter that he was going to cut ties with Tenn, that didn’t change how much Tenn meant to him. 

He’d sworn to protect them both. Never once considered he could be the one to break them so crudely. He felt like a stranger to himself now. His feelings for Tenn had bloomed long ago. It hadn’t taken long for him to realize that Tenn had become his center in more ways than one. 

Knowing what he did now...Gaku struggled to find any part of himself to still love. He cursed every breath he took. 

“You really think you’ll be any good to him now? That he’ll ever take you back?” That had been a low blow. Kujou knew it too. For just a moment, Gaku wondered if he knew the truth, if Tenn had...confided in Kujou about the situation. 

“Like you care about him anymore than being a pawn.” Gaku retorted. Although he knew it was out of line for him to say, he had passed the point of caring for any formalities or shows of respect towards Kujou. 

“Ah, but where did he run to when the castle crumbled? Who’s embrace did he seek in the end?” 

That had snapped Gaku’s last thread of patience. He would not leave this place alone. He wasted a glare at Kujou before he turned on his heels and went straight for Tenn’s room. There was no hesitation as he threw open the door to Tenn’s room. There was a sharp pain in his chest as Tenn jumped away as his face paled. 

“Sorry. But I can’t just leave you here.”  
  
“Huh?”

“If you never stop hating me that’s fine. I can live with that. I just want you somewhere safe.” 

“And where would that be? Since it certainly doesn’t include you.” 

“Go back with Ryuu, hell go live with Nanase or even by yourself. Anywhere is better than here.” Gaku had lost control of his volume. He didn’t care. Kujou could hear them for all he cared.

“That’s not for you to decide.” Tenn’s gaze was as sharp as his words. There was a puffy redness to his eyes that didn’t go unnoticed to Gaku, but it only cemented his decision further.

“You’re right, but I’ll be damned if I let the person I love stay somewhere that I’ve seen break them.” 

The words had tumbled out before Gaku realized what he was saying. He hadn’t actually realized he’d said them until Tenn reacted. 

“You pick now, _now_ to say you love me?” 

Tenn shifted his weight onto one leg, arms crossed as he stared Gaku down. It had taken Gaku a few seconds before the words registered. 

“There wasn’t ever going to be a time to say it.” Maybe Gaku would have said it eventually, but now, with everything that had happened, he decided it should have never been said. Emotions had gotten the better of him.

“So what, now you’re trying to use it to get me to do what you want?” 

“What? No I…” That had been exactly what he’d done. Unintentionally, but he figured some part of his brain thought that it could potentially sway Tenn. As if Tenn would be swept off his feet knowing someone loved him.

“I only ever wanted to see you become your own person. I wanted to see you be yourself without any hindrances. I wasn’t ever going to admit my feelings in case they’d interfere.” Gaku loosened his fists, his shoulders dropped as tension left. Salt stung his eyes now.

“You did a fine job of interfering on your own.” 

“I’m sorry for what I did. Sorry doesn’t actually cover it. I won’t ask for us to be anything more than business partners. I just want you around people who like you for you, not some idealized version of you they’ve created.” Although Gaku’s heart had shattered and still ached, he forced himself to meet Tenn’s eyes. 

Tenn shifted back. His body relaxed ever so slightly.

“You know that’s the first time you’ve apologized.” His lips twitched into a half smile before being forced away.

That had taken Gaku aback. Not that he thought Tenn would lie, but how could he have not apologized?

“You jumped to quitting Trigger and avoiding me…”

“I really made you think I didn’t feel bad about it?” Gaku staggered back a half step. 

“What was I supposed to think? You made these decisions without ever asking me what _I_ wanted.” A tear slid down Tenn’s cheek and dropped off his chin. Gaku swore he could hear the sound of it hitting the floor. 

“I guess you were right to compare me to Kujou.” 

“No, there’s some rather stark differences between you two.”

"But you..." Gaku wanted to ask, wanted to beg Tenn to leave. But he knew he couldn’t do that. If he did Tenn would refuse. 

"Don't think you've regained my trust. But I… Gaku I don't want to be here."

Gaku had never seen Tenn so…so vulnerable. Tears streamed as he shook. Gaku could imagine what had happened in the short time Tenn had been here. Kujou had already hinted at it. 

"Get your things. At least let me walk you to Ryuu's?" 

Tenn only nodded as he wiped away tears. Gaku watched silently as Tenn collected the few items he had brought here with him. 

His chest ached knowing he had hurt Tenn so badly that coming here had seemed like the best option in Tenn's mind. There was some relief in knowing Tenn didn't want to be here. This place was a trap too easy to fall into. Tenn had spent years living here, of course it would seem a safe place, even if it wasn't. 

Tenn held two bags when he said he was ready. Gaku opened the door and motioned for him to go first. Tenn was strong, Gaku knew he could handle this, but he also knew just how manipulative Kujou could be. 

"Tenn, what's this?" Kujou's voice hit them only steps down the hall. 

"Forgive me, but I've realized it was selfish of me to impose on you simply due to disagreements at home." 

"You said this was home." 

"It once was yes. However, I have a new home and it was wrong of me to run out on them." 

Kujou glared at Gaku. Gaku shrugged and returned his gaze to Tenn.

"Did Yaotome...say something." 

"Gaku is a selfish idiot, but he only keeps others wellbeing at heart." 

That had caused Kujou's face to twist into something Gaku could only describe as dark. 

"Have I not always kept your wellbeing in mind?" Kujou's words were sharp and venomous. 

"With all due respect, I believe you've prioritized your own goals first and foremost."

Tenn's grip on his bags tightened, his knuckles going white. 

"Pardon my intrusion, but I'll be taking my leave now, and I assure I won't behave like this again." 

Tenn pushed past Kujou, not even stopping at the hand that reached for him. Gaku couldn't help but smirk at Kujou as he followed Tenn out. 

They walked part way down the street in silence before Tenn staggered. Gaku instinctively held his shoulders, only to receive a burning glare. 

"Sorry." 

"Let me make it clear, I am not _giving_ you a second chance. If you can prove that you truly care about me, then I can perhaps agree to be slightly more than business partners." 

"Anything Tenn. Whatever consequences you want to punish me with, I'll take them."

"Oh so even if I wanted to ruin you completely?" There was that impish smirk Gaku missed so badly. Hopefully the reappearance of it was a good omen. 

"I'd confess to everything." 

"Idiot…" _I guess you really do love me._ Tenn wouldn’t dare say those words. As much as he felt them, he still couldn’t shake that incident. 

"Tenn…" 

"You're not getting off easy though. There are some definite changes to be made at home." Tenn started walking again, half swinging a bag towards Gaku. 

“I never moved back you know.”

“Were you planning on living on your own then?” There was a glint in Tenn’s eyes that Gaku couldn’t quite identify. 

“I could go back with dad.”

“You don’t want to do that.” Tenn commented as if they were talking about the weather.

“No, but I’m not going to make you uncomfortable.” 

“It’d be more uncomfortable going back to business partners and having to pretend like I don’t know what an atrocious mess you are in the mornings.” Somehow, a chuckle emerged from Gaku. He knew by the distance Tenn kept between them that the tension still existed, but it felt like Tenn was willingly to work toward closing it, and that was more than Gaku could hope for. 

As they continued their conversation, Tenn laid out non negotiable boundaries for what he needed from Gaku if they were going to live together again. Not that Gaku would have argued any one of them, but they were all completely reasonable demands.

Outside work engagements, Gaku was to keep a significant distance between them. No drinking in the apartment, while it would be appreciated if he sobered up before coming home, Tenn had set that he’d likely hide in his room if Gaku did come home drunk. Above everything the one demand Tenn had drilled harder than anything else was that Gaku absolutely refrain from all physical contact. That one would be difficult for Gaku to adjust to, but he would do it, even if Tenn had to slap him every time he messed up. 

Although Gaku still felt like he was getting a slap on the wrist as punishment. Especially considering all these demands were waived when it came to work, in which he was to “act as if nothing has changed” although he would still be mindful of all touches, just enough to get fans excited without pushing Tenn’s comfort level. 

Once they had reached Ryuu’s place, Gaku lingered some steps behind Tenn. Internally he still fought with himself, still felt like he didn’t deserve to be near Tenn. He’d started to say so, only to have one of Tenn’s bags thrown at him. 

“If you weren’t so awful at folding clothes I’d make you unpack mine.” That had gotten Gaku to chuckle, and Tenn to crack a smile before he swiftly turned around and walked inside. 

Ryuu had been like a puppy seeing it’s owner come home from a long trip. He had pulled both of them into a tight hug before they could get their shoes off. Gaku instantly flailed trying to break away as the embrace had pushed him right against Tenn. 

“You’ll make him cry and that’s worse than making me cry.” Tenn huffed. 

“Tenn…” Ryuu was on the verge of tears as it was. 

Once the embrace had ended, Tenn went to unpack his bags. When he came back into the living room, he found Gaku and Ryuu ransacking the kitchen, every ounce of alcohol sitting on the counter. 

“What are you two doing?” Just as he asked, Gaku scooped all the bottles and cans into a garbage bag. 

“You did say no more drinking at home. Although I’d have done this even if you didn’t.” Gaku spoke easily, a show of how set his mind had been on this decision. 

That had put Tenn at ease a bit. Things were still awkward as they adjusted though. At times Tenn even caught himself going to initiate contact with Gaku, doing small little things that had become so commonplace for him. He knew that initiating anything would give the impression he was okay with it, but anytime Gaku started to reach for him, he’d flinch. 

The first time Tenn didn’t lurch away from physical contact had been during a party at the IDOLiSH7 dorms, Re:Vale were there as well. There was plenty of food, and of course drinks for the adults. Tenn had steeled himself tremendously to come here along with Gaku. 

Nikaido-san had cracked open a fresh beer and offered it to Gaku. Tenn started to move away, to scatter anywhere else in the room.

“Thanks, but I’m not drinking tonight.” 

That had stopped Tenn in his tracks. 

“Wahh Yaotome not drinking?” Mitsuki chimed. 

“Oho did you find a girl that disapproves of your drinking habits?” Yamato jabbed as he claimed the beer for himself. 

“Ahah did you get too drunk with us last time?” Momo-san bubbled, clearly already buzzed. 

“Some things are more important than getting drunk.” Gaku flicked a glance at Tenn, who flushed instantly. The other adults were already too inebriated to notice. 

Gaku brushed off the rest of their teasing and went to get juice for both him and Tenn. Ryuu had taken to the alcohol, but was clearly holding back from his usual amount. Once Gaku had handed Tenn his cup, he went to sit on the only empty couch left. Moments later, someone sat next to him and he almost jumped when he saw it was Tenn. 

Less that it was Tenn and more at how close Tenn had sat. Their hands were dangerously close, Gaku had noticed. He dared to scoot his just a little closer, as much as he knew that was wrong of him. Then his heart jumped into his throat when he felt a single finger brush against his knuckle. 

“Thank you.” Tenn muttered lowly as he brought his cup to his lips. 

They let themselves get swept up in the atmosphere, chatting with the other idols and simply enjoying themselves. 

At some juncture, Yuki had sat down at Tenn’s other side. He pulled out a small envelope that he went to hand to Gaku but Tenn snatched. 

“Exchanging dirty pictures. Awful adults.” 

“Well I guess you aren’t wrong.” Yuki laughed “Momo was going to give you those regardless of if you won or lost.” 

That had gotten Tenn to cock his head, and look at Gaku as if expecting an explanation. Gaku had needed some moments before he realized what was in that envelope. By the time he had, Tenn was already opening the parcel. 

Gaku went red from head to toe as Tenn eyed him. 

“Gaku…” 

“Don’t make me—”

“You’re supposed to do anything I ask remember?” 

Gaku let out a shaky breath. He proceeded to stumble and stutter over his words as he explained that the night he’d gotten far too drunk had happened due to Momo coercing him into a drinking game by betting photos from a photoshoot Trigger had done for a lottery. The photos were intended to be so exclusive that even the members of Trigger had only been allowed to see their own. Momo had entered the lottery and won a set of Tenn’s. 

Tenn’s smiled, he looked rather pretty actually, to anyone that wasn’t Gaku. 

Gaku saw that spark of hellfire hidden behind those angelic eyes. Felt those words like brimstone against his skin. 

Yuki burst out laughing, no he hadn’t a clue what events had unfolded due to that night, but he didn’t need to to know that to see Gaku had truly backed himself against a wall. 

“You’re lucky Yuki-san is right there.”

“Oh no, don't mind me. I’ll just be looking over there.” 

The slap hadn’t been too intense, enough to sting Gaku’s cheek and cause the heads of those close by to turn. Gaku had winced before Tenn’s hand had even contacted, but he bit down the instinct to avoid the hit. 

“Yaotome Gaku you are the biggest idiot I’ve ever known.” 


End file.
